Im currently experiencing a mental torture. It was just a few days back when I was telling myself everything will be ok and its only a few more days before Andrew books out. And I was thinking of what to wear when I meet him and what nice things to buy for him and where we should eat.
But somehow, I woke up today with a feeling of dread. It was suppose to be positive, but I became emo on the way to school and the negative feeling persisted the entire day. And I started thinking whether I would be able survive this tough test of our relationship. I started lamenting to myself how unlucky everything seems to be turning out and whether the outcome will be ideal as I originally thought. And I started countering every optismitic thought I had untill I fell asleep in class.
Im numb.....
I just spoke to Andrew on the phone, he couldnt really console me...sigh, I didnt expect him too...I guess, I really love him and the negative part of me is an old residual thinking of the past that surfaces occasionally when Im not in a balanced state....*sobs*
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Hey dear, Im sorry for being pessimistic, I know I shldnt let you worry about me, but I really cant help it. I love you alot and the thought of not being able to be by your side is depressing. *hugs* I will gladly trade anything just to see you now. *hugs*
Im ok now, cant wait for this weekend! =D
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